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Survivors of the worst hands in life. . .
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Welcome to the Survivors of Life community! Please be respectful of all, and be honest. I am not a counselour, but I do try to help where I can! Enjoy!

January 2013
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krymsonsky [userpic]
Masochism (May contain triggering content)

I am currently in a relationship with someone who calls themselves a Masochist. We shall call him Jay. Alright...well...we have only been seeing each other for about a month, so I am not completely in tune with his behaviors or his history and many things I am afraid or shy to ask about.

He enjoys pain. A few of the friends he has had for a long time insist that he get help. I'm not sure if it's a "you're a freak, you need a shrink" or a "We love you and worry about you and you need help" sort of thing. He used to cut and burn himself but says he has not done it in a long time. I also used to cut and burn, but in my case cutting was a reflection of psychological problems and depression and I didn't go to a very extreme extent. He tells me that he is happy and that inflicting pain on himself or by someone else is strictly pleasurable and is not a reflection of emotional pain.

However, I can see the pain behind his smile at times and when he's drunk or half sleeping, he will become extremely emotional and will cry on me and all I can do is hold him and comfort him.

The next section is under a cut because it is contains sexual content:

During sex, he enjoys it when I bite and scratch him and has even told me that he'd like it if I punched him in the face while we're having sex. I am okay with biting and scratching, as I enjoy this too. I feel like it releases adrenaline or endorphins or something.  I am afraid of hurting him too much and that I am encouraging his pain inflicting behaviors.  Honestly, I don't think he could get off if I didn't bite him or something.   I care very much for Jay.  I am falling very hard, very quickly....and it's very very scary.  I want what is best for him, but I also want to be open minded and supportive.  I don't want to encourage behavior.  I feel like if I really cared about him, I wouldn't help him inflict pain to himself...but I don't want to deprive him of something pleasurable if it is really not harmful, just different and misunderstood.

Please Please Please Please help.


I don't really know what to say but I didn't want your courageous post to go by with no comments. All I can really offer in the way of any sort of help is to go with your instincts of what is best for you and for Jay. I'll be praying for you both. Take care and I really hope you find the answers you're seeking.

Thank you. I just want to be open and understanding to it, but I don't want to encourage any behavior that promotes some kind of psychological destruction. He says it has nothing to do with depression or whatever, but I believe he's not completely psychologically sound...I just get scared.